Life Paths

The past reached out this morning and caught me by surprise…                      Said “hello, how are you?”… brought a smile to my eyes…       At one time, we walked hand in hand and he had held my heart                      but our time together ended, our life paths moved apart.

autumn leaves

I got an e-mail this morning from an ex…  surprisingly, it was nice to hear from him. What was even nicer was the fact that I could call my mate and tell him all about it with complete confidence that he wouldn’t get upset…. he knows that not only do I love him but I am “in love” with him… I find it interesting because just this past weekend I realized that I have not a shred of doubt or jealousy concerning our marriage. It is a new feeling for me because I have always battled these feelings in past relationships. This all came about at an event we were attending at our local Harley dealership.  As is normal for HD events the bikini babes were out in force, washing the bikes, competing for tips and vying for first place in the requisite contest.  High heels and fabric scraps draped on beautiful, thin, young bodies…. and me, a windblown and disheveled, far from thin, granny.  Guess what?  I wouldn’t trade places with them for anything because strange as it may seem they don’t have anything I want…  It is a wonderful place to be… for my self and my marriage…  I can look back down my life path and see how the twists, turns and rough spots have brought me to where I am today. I am a strong, healthy, attractive woman who can work side by side with my mate and still be feminine… I relish this newly discovered freedom… another gift of time… this confidence in who I am coupled with the fact that I am truly loved has allowed me to be more alive than ever before. I know that the path before me is going to be shorter than what I’ve already walked…. I know that it will still have twists, turns and rough spots yet unseen… But I also know that I will traverse them with more skill and grace because of what I have already gone through.  So let the past reach out from time to time… I am now at a place where it no longer bothers me… I can say “hello” to it all and by choice, see only the good… most all the ugly parts filtered out by the distance… life is good and I enjoy walking with my mate since our two roads converged in an autumn wood…

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Changing masks

wolf moon howl We humans are the only animals who don’t instinctively know what we are… or rather, who we  think we should be… We spend inordinate amounts of time and in some cases money cultivating a persona to show to the world so that every one else will see and judge us in a particular light.  Sometimes its not even what we want to be but what we “think” others expect of us for either better or worse… If we are not encouraged as children, told that we are “bad”, a disappointment etc then that is who/what we will strive to become… conversely, children who are praised and given positive feedback will tend to strive to be “good”…  and yet, we humans are unique in that we can consciously choose to who we want to be… Someone close to me recently experienced this first hand at work… one of his colleagues suggested that he do something a bit questionable… because he has a good heart he not only refused but was a bit offended. When I asked him why they would even approach him about something like that he said “it’s just the way I look…”  After some consideration I realize that to a large extent he is right… He grew up with an abusive alcoholic father who never gave him a dream of better things… no concept that the future could be more than existence in a bottle… He grew up believing that he had to be tough… “bad”,  taught that consideration of others equated to weakness…  For many years he walked down  a long rocky road … at the end of that road he turned around and by sheer strength and will power he climbed back up. Through it all he has never learned how to completely rid himself of the stained legacy of his father…  He has never accepted the reality that we humans are the ultimate chameleons…  only we can choose to become who and what WE want to be…. not only can we choose, but we can choose to be any number of things depending on our surroundings… while our essential being does not change the masks we put on will affect our behaviors and how we interact with others of our species…    We are all familiar with the expression ” a wolf in sheep’s clothing.” and that is exactly what I am talking about… the ability to blend in with whatever crowd you are with for as long as is necessary to obtain your  goal… and sometimes our goal is to be a different person than what we have been… Our essential being is much like metal… it can never be anything but ore yet it can be shaped into many things from brutal swords to delicate filigree’…  simply different shapes of the same element… one is not better than the other but one may be more suited to a given situation than another… We can not choose what shape others may take but we can show them options to guises that may be destructive or harmful… ultimately each person chooses for themselves what they want to be and where they want to fit in… I may not be what you think I should be but I am fortunate in that I know who I am and the path I walk.