Favorite children

Most people deny the fact that parents have favorite children… In fact, the most fervent deniers are the parents themselves! But it’s true… unless you have an only child you will have a favorite… and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. What is bad, is if children are not loved.  It was a real shocker to me when I found out that the first person my mother called when the doctor told her that she had breast cancer was one of my brothers… After all, I’m the oldest, I’m the one that gets “stuff” done I’m… not the one she felt the closest emotional connection to… not the favorite…  It was definitely an eye opening moment for me… and a liberating one. It  allowed me to stop striving to live up to impossible self expectations… I had spent so much time and energy seeking to make myself into what I thought the favorite child should be that I was destroying my true self… the end result of this realization is that I came to understand what truly matters is that I am loved. The only down side to this is that the favorite son and the favorite daughter in my family don’t realize how much their parents depend on them emotionally. … how much it means to the folks when the favorites make time to come see them… How painful their absence is… although nothing negative will ever be said and endless excuses will be made for their behavior… I have observed this in my mate also as he too is a “favorite” child… My sister in law puts much more effort into connecting with her mother than my husband does and yet he is the first one the mum-in-law will call if she is facing a difficult situation… She loves both of her children equally and will move heaven and earth if need be for either of them but she just has an “easier” bond with my spouse…  My daughter plans on having more than one child… when we talked about favorites she insisted that she wouldn’t have a favorite child… I told her that it would happen, there is nothing you can do to prevent it… just as we all have some friends we are closer to than others, some aunts, some uncles… it is as inevitable as the turning of the tides and if you can see it for what it is then it ceases to be a big deal… after all, I’m not my parents “favorite” child and that’s O.K… because I AM loved… warts and all.

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